My two year old wants to sleep with me. How can I break the habit? Its hard, but here's how...

Dear Dr. Meg: My two year old wants to sleep with me and cuddle with me. How do I break him of this habit so he stays in bed? .

Dear Sara

You are right in wanting your son sleep in his own bed at this age. First, do you know why he wants to be with you? Is he frightened? If so, it is important to address his fear during the daytime and have some real heart to heart talks. Let him know that your job is to keep him safe and that his room is safe. Often boys at this age are frightened by what they see on television, so make sure to keep him away from violent media. 

Could he want to sleep with you because he is worried or lonely? Many boys who don’t have time with their fathers may feel lonely or worried and want extra comfort from their mothers. If this is the case, then you need to find ways to deal with his loneliness or separation issues with his father.

If none of these apply to your son, he may simply want to sleep with you because he is in the habit of doing so. You need to break the habit so talk to him about things that you both can do to make his room special. Talk to him about what he would like to do to make his room feel warmer. Should you paint it together? Would it help to rearrange his room? Whatever you choose to do,involve him. Make him feel that his room is his space and that it is safe. Perhaps he would like to listen to music at night before he falls asleep. Often, listening to music or radio makes kids want to stay in their rooms. I highly encourage you to check out Adventures in Odyssey tapes. These are engaging stories for kids that I used with all of my kids when they were younger and they established a habit of listening to a half hour show each night before bed.

I know it’s hard, but you must get firm, no matter what you do. Your son is most likely getting messages from you that you are wishy-washy on this issue and knows he can get in bed with you. I get it. I’m a Mom. The bottom line is, when you’re ready to have him stay in his own bed, he’ll do it. 

Best of luck,

Dr. Meg