Dear Dr. Meg,
My daughter is a nursing student in her junior year at University of Colorado. She has dropped from 125 to 108 and is obsessed with working out and dieting. My wife and I are extremely concerned and need a source to help her and us. Do you have any recommendations for a Doctor around the Boulder area with a Catholic perspective that you would recommend.
We are desperately trying to figure out what the best mode of action is. Any suggestion or ideas would be a God send.
I have read your book Strong Father and Strong Daughters and it was a gift to our family. My daughter is strong and we are really confused as to why this is happening. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get her healthy in mind and body. Thanks. Dad
Dear Dad,
Your daughter does have some serious red flags pointing toward anorexia nervosa. I don't know of any physicians in her area, but I do know some good resources who could point you in the right direction. First, I would call Remuda Ranch. They are in Wickenburg Arizona and they are Christian, not specifically Catholic. Call their help line and tell them your situation. They will help you figure out the next step.
Second, you could also call the nearest major medical center near you/her and ask to speak with a nurse or PA from their eating disorders program. You can learn a lot by interviewing folks. What you are looking for is either a long term (4-6 week) intensive inpatient or outpatient program. Sending your daughter somewhere for only 1 week doesn't do her any good.
Third, you can call the counseling services at her school. They are used to seeing eating disorders and will know what resources are available near her. I would do all of these things before you speak with your daughter. It is important for you and her mother, if she is involved, to figure out treatment options for your daughter. Then, you need to go to your daughter in person and have a heart to heart meeting with her. This isn't the type of illness that you can talk with her over the phone about and encourage her to get help. Girls with eating disorders staunchly deny their problems and insist that they can take care of things on their own. Remember, the eating disorder makes her terrified of gaining weight so she will fight treatment because she thinks that you will force her to be fat.
When you meet with her, I would have a conversation that goes something like this:
"Honey, your mother and I are concerned that you aren't yourself anymore. You don't seem happy and you seem too stressed. We want to help alleviate that stress for you because it is taking a toll on you. First and foremost, we are concerned with your happiness and you don't seem happy. Also, we notice that your stress is taking a toll on your weight. I know that you want to be thin and that's OK, but it feels like eating and exercise have overcome you and they are in control of you, not vice versa."
Give her time to answer and she will probably get defensive and mad. That's alright, stay calm. Listen to her. She will say very irrational things because remember, her eating disorder is talking to you, not her. Separate those two things out. If she hears what you are saying and agrees to help immediately, tell her that you have done some research and show her the options you have found. Then ask her which one she likes.
If she won't listen and cries or yells at you, you know that she's in more serious trouble. If this is the case and she refuses to listen to you, don't give up. Don't bully her (yet) but tell her that you will talk more about it the next day and bring the issue up again. Whatever you do, let her know that you are there to help because you love her and because you are concerned about her happiness (not her weight.) She will listen to you better this way. If she comes around, make an appointment with an internist and take her to the doctor. Girls feel safer going to a regular doctor than a psychiatrist at first. Then, ask the doctor to address the issues. SOmetimes girls listen better to their physicians.
If this fails and you see that her weight is dangerous, you need to insist that she come home. Just like you would do with an alcoholic, you must do an intervention and give her no option but to get treatment. The reason for his is because if the eating disorder has gone on long enough, she has starved her brain and she can no longer make rational decisions. Her thinking is twisted and you must do the thinking for her. We often say that girls with eating disorders control their eating because they want to be in charge, but as the illness progress, they are no longer in control- the eating disorder is. This is painful, but taking charge and taking her out of school and into treatment may save her life.
Whichever path you choose, know that there are many resources available to you. This is a long, tedious process and you need to be very tough and patient. We can treat eating disorders so hang in there, There is much hope for your daughter.
Again, I encourage you to reach out to the folks at Remuda Ranch. They are wonderful.
Blessings,
Dr. Meg
No comments:
Post a Comment